Do you feel that the spark in your relationship has faded?
Sexual monotony is one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy — and often, it creeps in silently.
Today I want to share the story of a couple who came to therapy looking to reconnect, and how they transformed routine into desire.
When Love Remains but Passion Fades
A few months ago, Clara and Andrés (names changed for privacy) came to my office and said something I hear often:
“We love each other, but we don’t feel desire anymore. Everything feels predictable.”
They had been together for seven years. They respected and supported each other, but their intimacy had become repetitive.
Sex had turned into something mechanical — an obligation rather than a moment of connection.
Clara admitted:
“I feel like he doesn’t desire me anymore — like I’m part of his routine.”
And Andrés added:
“I do desire her, but I don’t know how to connect again.”
That’s what sexual monotony feels like — love remains, but the erotic connection needs renewal.
What Is Sexual Monotony?
Sexual monotony happens when intimacy loses its excitement or novelty.
It doesn’t mean your relationship is broken — it simply means your desire needs oxygen.
📊 Scientific evidence:
A 2018 study published in the Journal of Sex Research (Mark & Lasslo, 2018) found that over 52% of long-term couples report a significant drop in sexual desire linked to routine, stress, and lack of novelty.So sexual monotony isn’t an exception — it’s a common experience that can be worked through and reversed with awareness and professional guidance.
Common Causes
- Daily routine and fatigue
- Lack of communication about desires or fantasies
- Fear of rejection or judgment
- Hormonal or emotional changes
- Loss of emotional connection or quality time
Recognizing the cause is the first step toward transformation.
The Therapeutic Process: Seeing Each Other with Curiosity Again
During therapy, Clara and Andrés discovered that sexuality isn’t just technique — it’s connection, emotion, and play.
1. Reconnecting Emotionally
Through guided communication exercises, they expressed what they truly felt.
They realized they both missed each other — they just didn’t know how to say it.
2. Rediscovering the Body
I invited them to practice sensuality without focusing on sex: touch, breath, presence, eye contact.
Little by little, desire reappeared — without pressure or guilt.
3. Changing the Sexual Script
They experimented with new dynamics: changing roles, times, and spaces.
They laughed, played, and rediscovered each other.
They learned that passion is rebuilt through curiosity, not obligation.
How You Can Overcome Sexual Monotony
- Talk about it openly. Desire can’t be guessed — it must be communicated.
- Break the routine. Try small changes — new settings, different rhythms, new ways to connect.
- Reconnect emotionally. Intimacy grows from trust and vulnerability.
- Make space for pleasure. Don’t wait for time to appear — create it.
- Seek professional support. Sex therapy helps couples rebuild desire and emotional connection.
The Lesson from Clara and Andrés
Weeks later, Clara smiled and said:
“We’re laughing again. We want each other again.”
And Andrés added:
“We didn’t know desire could come back — but it did.”
Sexual monotony isn’t the end of passion — it’s an invitation to rediscover it.
Desire doesn’t disappear; it transforms. All it needs is attention and curiosity.
Reignite the Passion in Your Relationship
I’m Mariana Barrios, sexologist and couples therapist.
I help individuals and couples who want to overcome sexual monotony and reconnect with their desire, pleasure, and emotional intimacy.
💌 Book your online session at marianatusexologa.com
Your intimate life can feel alive, authentic, and passionate again.
📚 Scientific Reference
Mark, K. P., & Lasslo, J. A. (2018). Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(4–5), 563–581.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2018.1437592